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Author Subject: stupid sounding text, it it just me???
jimdrake
flash guru






385 Posts
Location . Bristol, UK
Status: Offline

posted on 6.11.2004 at 18:06 Reply With Quote
stupid sounding text, it it just me???

a bit of an argument about the content of the site i'm currently working on (grubby) is going on.
for the about page they want the following info:

quote:
Welcome to Grubbynites.com, the digital home of the 'Grubby' event organisers. We are a loose collective dedicated to hosting cheap nites to expose local DJ and MC talent in Bath and the West. Our music policy is loosely based around anything with a breakbeat, so expect hip hop, leftfield rhythms, breaks and drum and bass, with nods to dub, electro and anything else with a heavy groove!

Grubby was originally the brainchild of DJs Dexpert and Haz, who wanted to provide a springboard for unrecoginsed musical talent. Eager to remedy this, they started a project with the aim of providing the public with a different atmosphere to the average R'n'B club, that would cater for their eclectic tastes. Support was swift to show it's friendly face and, with the aid of some willing individuals, Grubby was born.

i suggested that it sounded a bit silly. the 2nd paragraph sort of repeats the 1st. the following has the same information, just re-written. i think it sounds much better:

quote:
Welcome to grubbynights.com, the digital home of Grubby event organisers. Grubby is the brainchild of DJs Dexpert and Haz, who wanted to promote local DJ and MC talent from Bath and the surrounding area. They started this project with the aim of doing just that, while providing the public with an alternative atmosphere to the average «Sexy R'n'B» club evening. Support was swift to show it's friendly face and, with the aid of some willing individuals, Grubby was born. Expect events featuring eclectic music centered around breakbeat, hip-hop, leftfield rhythms, drum and bass, and with nods towards dub, electro and anything else with a groove.


is it just me??? they insist that they want their original text.....





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anders
Administrator






2013 Posts
Location . Taipei
Status: Offline

posted on 6.11.2004 at 18:43 Reply With Quote
agree with you jim,
the rewritten version is much better worded..
the 2 original paragraphs are too repetitive and makes content longer without giving any new information...

however, i'd suggest dividing the new rewritten version into 2 separate shorter paragraphs too because reading a long paragraph on screen strains the eyes...especially since the site design displays content in a rather small area...
this makes the small text rather too close to one another..
also viewers are bound to click away if they see too long a paragraph (example, how many people really read the "terms of agreement" text before clicking the 'i agree' button when signing up on online forms?)
not that the new text is that long..but you know what i mean..






"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."
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Alex
Member






271 Posts
Status: Offline

posted on 6.13.2004 at 09:23 Reply With Quote
maybe the second version is the better but what about 'client is always right'?
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jimdrake
flash guru






385 Posts
Location . Bristol, UK
Status: Offline

posted on 6.13.2004 at 12:56 Reply With Quote
i know, if they want that text, i'll put it up.....

i was just wondering if it was just me thinking it sounded stupid. when i put the idea forward they were like, um... well mine is better....





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