dzygners' forums
You have never visited, or are not logged in.
Not logged in [Login - Register]

Printable Version | Send to Friend
Subscribe | Add to Favorites
<<  1    2  >>
Author Subject: The world's funniest joke. Official.
anders
Administrator






2013 Posts
Location . Taipei
Status: Offline

posted on 10.20.2002 at 17:22 Reply With Quote
The world's funniest joke. Official.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"

Read more here: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=573&ncid=757&e=1&u=/nm/20021003/od_nm/life_joke_dc






"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."
View User's Profile Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U anders
hzr
Moderator






1701 Posts
Location . localhost
Status: Offline

posted on 10.20.2002 at 17:25 Reply With Quote
I've read this. It's great
__
Haha, this one was good:
What's brown and sticky?
...
A stick

[Edited on 20.10.2002 by HZR]




hzr
View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U hzr
madis
Dr. Bug Vet






1518 Posts
Location . Sweden
Status: Offline

posted on 10.20.2002 at 17:47 Reply With Quote
lol.. iv read it in metro (newspaper) like a week ago.. i lol'ed all day long that day.. lol..




» some people believe soccer is an matter of life and death. i'm very disappointed
   with that attitude. i can assure you it is much, much more important than that.

View User's Profile View All Posts By User U2U madis
Janny
Moderator






776 Posts
Location . Belfast - Ireland
Status: Offline

posted on 10.20.2002 at 17:57 Reply With Quote
inflatable fire in a cubic circle




= Nothing Worth Saying =
View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U Janny
furlong
Junior Member






49 Posts
Location . Philly, PA - USA
Status: Offline

posted on 10.23.2002 at 14:07 Reply With Quote
Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: "Hey, nice belt!"

Q: Why didnt Barbi ever get pregnant?
A: Because Ken came in a different box.

Q: Why dont cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.

View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U furlong
anders
Administrator






2013 Posts
Location . Taipei
Status: Offline

posted on 10.23.2002 at 16:33 Reply With Quote
lol...furlong...those are funny...

hmm..did i just unintentionally start a joke listing thread?

my reason for posting this topic was to share the top thread i posted regarding news of the official world's funniest joke...
not really start a joking thread...lol....

anyway, madis asked for one awhile back..so i guess, people, feel free to share ur LOLs...

but let's keep it in this thread so as not to inundate the lounge...lol




"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."
View User's Profile Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U anders
rem_sr
Senior Member






481 Posts
Location . Sweden
Status: Offline

posted on 10.23.2002 at 16:51 Reply With Quote
#1
Q: Do you know why Napoleon always had a red shirt??
A: So that no one would see when he was injured.

Q: Do you know why Hitler always had brown pants?
A: So that no one would see when he did a poo-poo.

#2
Two men were out fishing, they cought a fish but didn't really know how to kill the fish. They were thinking for a long time on how to kill the fish, when suddenly on of the two got an . He said gladly: I know, let's drown him!

[Edited on 23.10.2002 by rem_sr]




s a m [ u e l ]
Dissatisfaction is the mother of development

View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U rem_sr
whatisthematrix
Moderator






2337 Posts
Location . Sweden
Status: Offline

posted on 10.23.2002 at 19:02 Reply With Quote
I have herad it too.

and it really sucks probably on the must fuckup joke I ever had heard




I'm whatever I want, you can like it or love it // [loading]
View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U whatisthematrix
rem_sr
Senior Member






481 Posts
Location . Sweden
Status: Offline

posted on 10.24.2002 at 06:22 Reply With Quote
haha... matrix.. I know they aren't that good.. I've heard it at least 1018 times...




s a m [ u e l ]
Dissatisfaction is the mother of development

View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U rem_sr
Chris
CSS Guru






813 Posts
Location . England
Status: Offline

posted on 10.24.2002 at 09:17 Reply With Quote
Q: how do you kill a blonde?
A: put a scratch and sniff card at the bottom of a swimming pool

lol.. not like you haven't heard that before!





View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U Chris
madis
Dr. Bug Vet






1518 Posts
Location . Sweden
Status: Offline

posted on 10.24.2002 at 09:49 Reply With Quote
blondes revenge

lol.. never.. lol..

q: why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
a: so brunettes can remember them

q: what do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
a: invisible

q: why is brunette considered an evil color?
a: when was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

q: what do brunettes miss most about a great party?
a: the invitation

q: why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
a: it matches their mustache.

q: wat do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
a: a hostage

:haha:



[Edited on 10.24.2002 by madis]




» some people believe soccer is an matter of life and death. i'm very disappointed
   with that attitude. i can assure you it is much, much more important than that.

View User's Profile View All Posts By User U2U madis
Chris
CSS Guru






813 Posts
Location . England
Status: Offline

posted on 10.24.2002 at 12:17 Reply With Quote
lol





View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U Chris
furlong
Junior Member






49 Posts
Location . Philly, PA - USA
Status: Offline

posted on 10.25.2002 at 14:50 Reply With Quote
Q: What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A: A wet nose.

Q: How do you know when its bedtime at the rectory?
A: When the big hand is on the little hand.

[Edited on 10.25.2002 by furlong]

View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U furlong
furlong
Junior Member






49 Posts
Location . Philly, PA - USA
Status: Offline

posted on 10.25.2002 at 17:22 Reply With Quote
a little halloween spirit.


A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop...

View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U furlong
Rookie
Member






235 Posts
Location . North Carolina USA
Status: Offline

posted on 10.25.2002 at 20:16 Reply With Quote
Hebrew Lesson

a team of archiologist are on a dig and find this very interesting tablet, after careful study of it the decide there is a picture of a woman, a donkey, an eye, a fish, and a star of David ... they took it back to the lab to study it farther and interpret it. After days of study they go to a press conference and start explaining how it shows how important women were in this society. the woman was a hard worker represented by the ass. were pleasant to look at represented by the eye, were great food gatherers as shown by the fish, and finally were treated like gods, by the star of david. AS the scientist explained this an old man in the front row was shaking his head, the scientest got impatient and asked him what he was shaking his head about ... the old man explained:

"hebrew is read from right to left not left to right, that tablet says, 'holy macral, look at the ass on that woman!'"





View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U Rookie
arniie
Junior Member






27 Posts
Location . London
Status: Offline

posted on 3.19.2003 at 09:36 Reply With Quote
An old Cherokee Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the U.S. government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief," one official began, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You have observed his wars and his material wealth. You have seen his progress and the damage he has done..."

The Chief nodded that it was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied:

"When white man found the land, Indians were running it with no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver. Women did all the work, medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing, all night making love to the women." The Chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that?"




http://www.arniie.com
View User's Profile Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U arniie
abhi
Senior Member






581 Posts
Location . India
Status: Offline

posted on 3.19.2003 at 11:52 Reply With Quote
cool jokes.

but i think i read that *official joke a long time back in the newspaper.





~!@#$%^&*(). period!
View User's Profile Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U abhi
whatisthematrix
Moderator






2337 Posts
Location . Sweden
Status: Offline

posted on 3.19.2003 at 11:57 Reply With Quote
great jokes arnie and rookie!




I'm whatever I want, you can like it or love it // [loading]
View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U whatisthematrix
bodyvisual
Senior Member






490 Posts
Location . in my own fantasy world
Status: Offline

posted on 3.19.2003 at 13:54 Reply With Quote
hmmm




_bdvis loves you.
View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U bodyvisual
Alex
Member






271 Posts
Status: Offline

posted on 5.20.2003 at 19:25 Reply With Quote
An example of unexpected turn


A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.


But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June."


"Yes, this is June."


"Will you marry me?"


"Of course I will! Who's this?"




3d poisoned but still alive
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U Alex
Rookie
Member






235 Posts
Location . North Carolina USA
Status: Offline

posted on 5.20.2003 at 19:32 Reply With Quote
Q: Whats a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?

A: Both of them smell what they can't eat



Q: Whats the difference between a gynocologist and a geneologist?

A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

[Edited on 5.20.2003 by Rookie]





View User's Profile E-Mail User Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U Rookie
Alex
Member






271 Posts
Status: Offline

posted on 5.20.2003 at 19:38 Reply With Quote
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica
45 volumes. Excellent condition.
$1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything






3d poisoned but still alive
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U Alex
wildbrumby
Senior Member






490 Posts
Location . The Earth
Status: Offline

posted on 5.21.2003 at 08:15 Reply With Quote
A new minister arrives at his parish and after the sermon he greets everybody walking out of the church. Little Johnny comes up to shake his hand and says

"Pastor, when I get big, I'm goin' to give you some money"

Pastor is a little taken back at this so he says

"Why, that's nice of you, but why do you want to give me any money?"

Johnny looks him straight in the face and says,

"Cause my daddy says that you're the poorest preacher he's ever heard".




| monty roberts . | silentgrove.com . | my new weblog .


View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U wildbrumby
SquidThing
Junior Member






24 Posts
Location . SE London
Status: Offline

posted on 8.13.2003 at 22:21 Reply With Quote
According to the most recent poll, Europe's funniest joke is:
quote:
Q: Why is Canada called Canada?
A: Because there's no one there!

Hmm, obviously puns don't always work when they're translated, I think it was originally in German.

Andrew.

[Edited on 13.8.03 by SquidThing]





View User's Profile Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U SquidThing
jooli
Moderator






1887 Posts
Location . NYC
Status: Offline

posted on 8.14.2003 at 16:17 Reply With Quote
heh i thought it was an indian joke thinger

explorers came to america and wanted to explore up north, the big wilderness.
they stopped a band of native americans who were traveling and asked, "What's up there?"
one of the men stopped and said, "Ca?" (which meant "Up there")... then using what little language of what he new from his run-ins with foreigners, he said, "Nada." (meaning nothing in spanish).




[Currently working on] Surviving teaching video production, and editing shorts
View User's Profile Visit User's Homepage View All Posts By User U2U jooli
<<  1    2  >>
Quick Reply [ Show All Smilies ] Not logged in [Login - Register]



© 2002 - 2005 dzygn.com
Powered by XMB v1.5 Beta :: Blue Moon
Processed in 0.9971881 seconds, 51 queries